Going Karmental

Lately I find myself wanting to burst into tears unexpectedly.  The other day at Quizno’s I got oatmeal chin while ordering up a chopped salad.  I’m sure the order taker was convinced that I was very disturbed by the fact that they don’t have any no-fat dressing. 

I’ve been pretty successful at surpressing the urge to burst into tears.  I’m not talking about getting misty during Animal Precinct, Rescue 911 or A Baby Story, I’m totally a softy for that kind of stuff.  I’m talking about the overt physical response to raw emotion.  The other night, Mark and I were talking about the fact that I’m not crier and how in the 15 years we’ve been married, he’s probably seen me truly cry about 5 times. 

So then I was thinking about why I don’t cry. 

Is it because I’m completely devoid of emotion?  Am I completely emotionally repressed?  Do I consider it a sign of weakness and vulnerability?  

I don’t think it’s really any of these three.   As I pondered these things, it occurred to me what was keeping me from expressing the emotion contained within and letting the tears flow.  Every time I get that burning, tingly sensation in my nose, the appearance of “oatmeal chin” and the welling of tears in my eyes, I get this one recurrent image in my mind that stops the physical responses to sadness dead in their tracks.