What started out as pure bliss turned ugly at about 16.4 minutes into the 20 minute massage.
My upper back and shoulders burn constantly from the knots and tension that have hijacked my upper body. And since I had a few errands to run, I made a mall stop on my way home from a work event Wednesday night and looked forward to getting a little chair massage for some instant relief. The last time I did it, the woman did a fine job although she didn’t get into the deep tissue that I needed – but for $20, it was still worth it – and didn’t require me to get NAKED *shudder*.
Last night there were two Chinese men working their magic at the massage kiosk and I was lucky enough to arrive just as the last client was leaving so I got right in! Perfect! I got situated with my face in the padded toilet seat-y looking thing and rested my arms and hands on the arm rest with my hands curled around the front of the pads. My masseuse was awesome! He totally dug in and started beating the hell out of my muscles. He even used his elbows to get in there and loosen things up. Eventually I could feel the knots start to dissipate and the burning subsided. Ahhhh. Bliss.
All of a sudden the guy is standing at my head working on my shoulders and neck. And his bits were rubbing on my knuckles! AAARGH! I froze. I was trying to figure out of this was intentional or if he didn’t realize those were my knuckles. At first I didn’t realize those were his bits. I considered pinching whatever it was but thought better of it. As my luck goes, he is probably a black belt in Karate and could have separated my skull from its stem in one fell swoop.
I would love to see what my face looked like as my eyes sprung open and popped out of their sockets at the point of realization. All that tension and muscle constriction that had been successfully released in the previous 15 minutes returned instantly at that moment. And then I wanted to puke. I was starting to feel violated.
Now that my new close personal friend had me good and rattled, he decided to kick it up a notch when he started massaging the rest of my body. Granted, I didn’t tell him ONLY to work on my shoulders and upper back so I should not have been shocked when he worked his way all the way down my back and started pounding on my hips and butt. As many massage therapist do, he started doing the slapping thing all over my body. My head, shoulders, back, butt and thighs all took a few whacks. Then he worked his way back up my body, stopping long enough to slap the sides of my boobs around awhile too. GOOD GOD, I usually don’t want a massage to end but this was a whole different story. At least he could have offered to buy me a drink first…
Once he was done, I grabbed the cash from my purse and threw it his direction and then scurried away with my head hung low and my tail between my legs like a sheered dog.